Needing support

I’ve been doing a lot of research and personal reading lately on miscarriage. If everything had gone as planned I would be entering into my last two months of pregnancy right now. After we lost “little baby” I grieved deep but not long. Soon I found myself needing to get back to work and finish up the year and pack and move my classroom to the new school. Then I was packing and moving my own house for our move to Lubbock. Then we were in New York for Schaun’s wedding and back home again for a brief moment before we made the move down here. All through that I grieved when I could find a moment, or was touched by a memory or reminder of my pain, but everything was very distracting. I felt lonely, sad, misunderstood, brushed off… all the emotions that are common to this sort of silent grief but now, here in Lubbock, I feel it ten times more.
We’ve been welcomed and supported as the “new move ins” in more ways than we can imagine. But what I need so desperately is to be supported as the “grieving mother”. This however is a sorrow no one knows about now because it happened in a different state and a different time than these people new me in. Before I came here every new news of a pregnant friend or every event associated with motherhood, and I had a support network of family, friends, and colleagues who, although they may not have known what I was exactly going through or how to help, they knew about it and tried to hold me up where and when they could. Here I’m the new neighbor, who “doesn’t have any children yet”. How it hurts to hear that and know it's not true.
I’ve tried to share what we are going though with everyone I can, when it has been appropriate to do so, but some things are so deep and sacred that it takes more than a first time meeting to be able to talk about it in any kind of depth.
It’s not enough that we don’t have a baby to hold but then to have everyone that remembered that we were parents gone from us so that it’s as if it never really happened. Some days lately, it just seems like to much. For a long time, I thought that the worst part was dealing with people who said things that were hurtful and insensitive when they knew what I was going through. I was wrong. It’s worse to not have anything said at all because no one knows. At least when people said stupid things it opened up the issue so that I could talk about it. Now I just think about it and cry a lot and I know that all the people all around me are unaware that I feel like breaking down every time I see them with their children or hear them talk about their pregnancy. They say things to us like, “You’ll understand when you have kids”, and I think guiltily, “you’ll understand when you loose one”.
Maybe this is to personal to post but I guess I just need to know that there are people out there who know.